What is it to be crazy?

I feel as though I have changed immensely in the last few months. Before the summer, I was this shy, spineless kid who shut people out. Now, upon recalling what I used to be like, I am a completely different person. I am social, more happy, I have more friends, I'm doing new things. I have stopped caring about what people who I don't even know think. I focus more on being a better person; son, grandson, cousin, and friend.

Lately, I feel like everyone is so far away. like there's just no one around to talk to... And I know that there are more than a hand full of people I can go to. But for some reason, there's a voice in my head that's telling me that these are my problems, that I need to deal with them on my own. maybe I do have to face the problems head on. maybe I need to sort this mess that is my twisted thoughts out alone. I just wish that there were hints, hidden clues, as to where I need to go with my life.

Change has never been good for me. But now, I need it. I crave it. I cant stand doing the same things every day. I hate sitting here, night after night. doing nothing but hopelessly staring at my computer screen... it sucks. I have grown more tired of going through the same routine at work than ever before. Every shift that I work feels like the one before it. That's part of the reason I'm starting to steer toward the reserves... Because every day will be a new experience. A change of pace, new skills to learn. A challenge. I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do, but its a big possibility. I'm going to talk it over with dad, and see what he thinks.

Also, to anyone who I have been an asshole to in the last little bit: I am really sorry, but Ive been really stressed with everything, especially the lack of funds and Christmas... But now that everything is done, I hope to be more happy. The thoughts of becoming the age of adulthood, traveling to a new place, and making important changes and decisions in my life will are so exciting, that I hope to be more happy, and have more fun than ever before. Thank you everyone, for being there. I will be here whenever you need me, day or night.