Tonight Ive done a lot of thinking. Ive been up all night, and theres been so many things that have crossed my mind. Ive never been this homesick before, and I cant wait to be back there. Im lonely, but I know that its mostly my own fault. For some odd reason Ive been pushing people away since I came here. I miss everyone...

Currently Im sitting on my bed wrapped in a blanket with my window open. T
he sounds of birds, the crisp air. Spring is here, and the world is once again waking up from a cold slumber.
Even here in this big city, only about 25 meters from a busy street, the air is fresh, and I can smell a hint of woodstove.
The early morning sky is a pale blue, and the grass is green.
I can feel the chill, but its not cold. Its refreshing.


Until this morning, I forgot just how much I love this time of year. Its not too hot, but Its not cold. The mornings are crisp and life is coming back to the trees and the bushes.
Spring, Ive missed you.

A little something...

I wrote this the other night while I was trying to fall asleep. Its just something that may explain my distance from everyone lately. I really dont mean to ignore or avoid anyone, I just havent felt myself, or felt the emotions that I think would feel right. I just want to be back home, in the room Ive known for years, with the people Ive known for longer. I may be 19, an adult, but Im not ready for the real world... at least not all at once. baby steps I guess....
anyway. Here it is:

I sleep tp escape my reality;
But once sleep takes me over
I long to wake from the nightmares.
It's like a neverending cycle,
Of disaster and frustration.
theres no rest...
Long periods of nothing,
But never any rest.
I'm Just hurled from haunted dreams
To a life I could not dream of.
The cycle needs to be broken,
but how do I make my dreams
Turn from bad to good?
How do I make my reality
Just what I want it to be...
When I dont even know
What it is that I want it to be?
All I have seem to learn
Is what I dont want it to be.
And that Just doesnt seem good enough...
Nothing seems good enough right now...

...
Yeahhhh. I just wish that I knew what to do, or what I wanted to do. They say that all the troubles of life are worth it in the end. Im sure as hell hoping that it really is worth it...