In the dark I see

The night before last I had a really fucked up dream... I don't know what it means, and it really freaked me out. It was painful.
I dreamt that there was a memorial-type service at glen falls school for Matt, and that a bunch of us friends were all sitting together to support each other. But then in the crowd I spotted Matt, and we all started freaking out.. he started running because he knew that we had seen him... then after chasing him all over the school we finally caught up to him... he explained that he faked his death and that he wanted to get away from everything, but it had nothing to do with us.
and that's it.
That's when I woke up. It might not seem like such a bad dream, but when you wake up thinking that your friend was still alive and here, only to realize that the dream wasn't real, it's heart wrenching... Realizing that he's still gone.
It felt like losing him all over again.

You're driving me crazy

It's so unbelievably awesome that after three years I have my best friend back. Glad that last night happened, I think that we needed it. Got some things off my chest, and it felt good.

Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

When I tell someone that I'll be there for them no matter what
I mean it.
It might have taken almost three years, but I have a really good friend back, and that makes me happy.

I dont know where my mind is right now...
Here I am again, for what feels like the millionth time. It feels like my head is going in a hundred different directions all at once, and it's making me feel sick. The weirdest part though, is that I'm not sad. I'm not depressed, and not moody like I've been every other time. This is different, but the same.
I know that I've been here before.
It's the same mixed feeling of walking down the street that I grew up on.
Theres the good thoughts, and the bad ones... the memories, the thoughts about the future...
It feels like there's a cyclone of thoughts in my head right now,
but this time everything is better, everything is going in a better direction
I am going in a better direction, And I'm pretty damn content right now.

Just a thought...

I was just thinking about the past, and how it is that I have getten to this point, how I've become who I am...
And I've realized that I owe everything that I am to so may people... There have been so many people in my life in the last decade that have helped to shape who I am. Friends, enemies, family, strangers, coworkers... It's really quite overwhelming when you think about it.
I cant even begin to unravel all of this, and it just blows my mind that there are people out there that have no idea of the impact that they have had on my life, and more likely than not many other's lives...
No body should ever think that they are worthless, that no one cares
because no matter how many people there are that say they don't care
there are ALWAYS the people that care,
and those are the people who would be devistated if you left,
and wouldnt be the same person if you weren't in their lives.
Think about that.