Nothing to gain, everything to fear

Everything seems to go so great, everything falls right into place for a little while. Only for that little while, a secondminutehourdayweekmonthyear is everything so good that it feels almost perfect. But deep down inside, you know that its not perfect, that theres something hidden deep down that will eventually lead to the destruction of of the great moment in time. Weather its in your mind, your gut, or in your heart, you know it. Sometimes you may ignore it, others you listen.(I don't quite know who this all ties to the rest, but I just wrote as I thought, and this is what came out of it) But in the end, how do you know that the choice you made is the best choice?

I, being someone who thinks way too much about the unimportant details in life, have been thinking long and hard the last few nights about this. i think it was just Saturday night that I was asked, while in a slightly drunken state, about how we know that we've done the right things in our lives, and how would we know if they were the wrong. I didn't really comprehend at that second, but I did think about it.

What were to happen if we really could see into a universe where everything is exactly the same as it is in the actual one, aside from one choice that you made. What would be the outcome? Would everything still be mostly the same, or would everything be royally fucked up to the nth power? Ive though about this, as I said, and I don't think that i would want to know. Even though I spend many, MANYMANYMANYMANYMANYmanymanymany nights dwelling on the past and asking 'what if?', I would not want to see what life would be life after making different choices. I couldn't bare to see that maybe i would be so much happier without the friends and simple pleasures that I value so much. I just wouldn't want to know. Right now, at this point in time, and although i feel fucked in the head, and may not have the best life at times, I am happy with my life.

This brings me to another thing that I though about before drifting off into a slumber last night. ill give a bit of an explanation.. Last night we decided that we were going to play a drinking game. I never. Playing this game, a simple game, made me realize that i am so much more comfortable with my friends now than I ever have been. We talked about anything and everything, and now I know all there is to know about my two best friends(I love all of my friends and am close with more than a few people, but above all, Sam and Jared have been there for me the most in these last few months when I needed someone to lean on), and the same for them about I.

I hope that you guys really know how much you have helped me out since the first of the school year, and I hope that you also know how grateful i am. i honestly don't know what I would have done, but i know that i don't want to know, because I'm better off, and I'm at a better point in life, no matter how tough the going gets. Ill know that i will have you there for me, And I hope that you know that I'm here whenever, where ever, why ever, and however you need me.